In light of a nationally publicized incident surrounding a severed finger found in a bowl of chili, The Crack Team finds itself dealing with a similarly bizarre situation. A woman known only as 'Jane Doh' claims she recently found a finger in her crack and has contacted our corporate office (via her attorney) demanding a 'financial settlement commensurate with the emotional pain and suffering [she's] endured because of said finger found in said crack'.

Sidney Crackstein (Agent/Bodyguard for Mr. Happy Crack) wants to assure all of The Crack Team's customers that this woman's claims are bogus. We have evidence that just within the last year, Jane Doh has also 'found' a finger in her coffee at a national chain of gourmet coffee shops, and a finger in her ashtray at the country's biggest muffler repair chain. The Crack Team is well aware of the price we pay for being a famous brand but this was a surprise even for us.